Let’s Play Church Mouse
I have retreated to Blogspot. The once thriving online platform is now a shadow of the past.
I named this “blog”, if you can even call it that, Time Out (In The Corner) because my earliest memories of self-reflection are being in the corner at school for doing something bad. I never got the corner treatment at home, it was always either:
- Soap (that old school love)
- Hit with a random assortment of household items
- Being grounded for 2 or 3 months at a time
Not to say my mom wasn’t a great parent, because she was the best. I was just a nightmare to deal with as a kid. I never shut up, I broke things on an almost daily basis, I cursed way more back then than I do now, and I was always getting into fights at school. I’m glad she dished out punishment the way she did, because it made me who I am today.
I don’t plan on ever showing this blog to anyone, so if you find it, I’m really surprised. And since you found it, I should probably introduce myself.
My name is Caleb Scalzo (not my real last name).I’m 28 years old as of this writing. I was born on Leap Day 1996. I’m left handed, an insomniac by choice, chronically depressed, a chronic marijuana user for over half my life, and a non-religious, non-political heterosexual white man. I was born in southern Ohio, nestled right on the border of West Virginia, in a small town known as Gallipolis. Now located in Nashville, Tennessee, I finally made it to a big city after almost 30 years of life and still have no idea what the hell I’m doing.
Hobbies(This is going to look like a resume which is actually kinda funny. Probably not to you, but I amuse myself just to be content.)
As far as hobbies go, I like a little of a lot. Or a lot of a little. Usual typical men shit, like knives, video games, and sports. You won’t catch me keeping statistics on sports teams, but I enjoy watching just about any sport, other than golf. Also, I know nothing about cars, which must be a hit to my grandfather’s pride, since he has a lifetime worth of experience involving automobile repair.
I’ve always liked to read. I don’t read nearly as much as I used to, but I still enjoy it. A lot of non-fiction. Some fiction is okay, but my head is already in the clouds enough.
Pro wrestling is and has been my favorite thing to watch on television since I was around 3 or 4 years old. My dad didn’t do much for me, but what he did do was make me fall in love with pro wrestling. Being that he was from West Virginia, he got to watch (and record) so much material from the territory days in the 1980’s and the shows from the beginning of the 90’s that I missed. I used to just watch tape after tape of Mid Atlantic, World Class, WWF, AWA, Mid-South, pretty much everything. His side of the family all worked on the river moving coal, and it paid good even back then. They had the satellite TV before most of WV did and picked up just about everything that Peacock has on streaming now. I could go into favorite matches and everything but I’ll save that for later on.
I’ve always had a fervent love of music. And when I started getting deep into making my own music, I grew to love and appreciate even more music that was out there. I like collecting vinyl records. Started back in 2012 before the vinyl resurgence solely for making beats and still primarily do it for that reason.
Making beats, you say?
Yeah, I make beats. I actually started making beats to have something to rap over. Every time I tell somebody I rap or make beats, I can almost hear the collective groan in their head and feel their second hand embarrassment for me. It’s nothing unique to say you make music anymore, especially nowadays with the “tiktok go viral making a meme worthy song” trend in music right now. Am I angry about that? A few years ago I was.
I’ve come to terms with it now. The way I look at it, even when everyone my age and younger wasn’t trying to be a rapper, I was still getting that collective groan and second hand embarrassment feeling for doing what I do and being the skin color that I am.
Am I a culture vulture?
Considering I know more about the history of hip-hop music than most of these young knuckleheads out here, I don’t really think so.
Am I trying to follow a trend?
I’m making the same type of music that I did in 2013, just a more refined and mature version. It’s really all about making what I would want to hear, as a fan of rap music. It’s pulling from my own experiences and outlook on life. It’s pulling from my influences which are primarily 90’s and late 90’s/early 2000’s. It’s pulling from a different perspective of what has already been established.
Caleb’s Modern Day Rap Music Rant
Everybody has heard that street life rhyme a million times over. We get it, you have shooters. (Which you really don’t). You sell copious amounts of drugs and run a multimillion dollar drug trafficking scheme that spans multiple states and time zones (which you really don’t). You have multiple zealots who come to you at any given moment and do your sexual bidding (which you really don’t).
My point is, nobody is really saying anything that I can relate to anymore, except for a very slim few. If you are really living that life, then kudos to you and I wish you the best if you’re truly good natured. But most people these days aren’t really living that way.
They just say it because it’s what sells. If it bleeds, it leads. And white people are the biggest consumers of hip-hop, and have been since RUN-DMC did the Aerosmith remix. White people want something that’s “hard”, because they have no real excitement in their real life. People will say “it’s entertainment. It’s like watching a mob movie. You wouldn’t do anything in Goodfellas!”
The difference between something like Goodfellas and rap music today, is the fact that Goodfellas was done tastefully. It’s a work of art, that depicts a time in history that is long gone. Rap music nowadays is a far cry from a work of art. I could best equate it to a toddler drawing on a wall with crayons, both literally and figuratively. They don’t know what they’re doing is bad.
But hey, if that’s what you like, more power to you. And who am I to judge someone else’s music if I make music, right?
Wrong.
I took my fair share of judgement, clowning, and criticism over the years for making music that didn’t fit the status quo. So on the same token, I feel like I’ve gained the war stripes to say whatever I want about people who try to follow the latest trend for their desire of 15 minutes of fame.
Do I think most of these rappers following a trend will make it?
I know they won’t. I’ve been doing this for over 10 years, and have seen so many come and go, whether local or otherwise, who were all trying to mimic whatever was selling at that time. The likelihood that you’ll make it off of rap music in any form is dangerously low, and even lower if you aren’t being yourself.
Do I have illusions of grandeur over my own success?
I used to, but not anymore. I used to think the next project, the next song, would magically make me be able to quit working entry level jobs and not have to regret that I didn’t finish college. But I know how it is now. And I know what I really want out of life.
I’m much more content now with making music at my own pace, and for my own personal enjoyment. Yeah, I’ll still put it on streaming, but its really just to validate my time well spent.
I would rather go back to college and open a business instead of try to be a famous rapper, or even well known. I don’t enjoy people talking to me. I’m friendly and outgoing if I have to be, but really, I don’t give a shit what you have to say. I’m the type of person that would tell you what annoys me about you. I’d rather be labeled as an honest grumpy asshole. At least I could live with myself that way. People love to play that “I’m everybody’s friend” card, but really, it’s to see what they can get out of you.
If you are in the good graces of everybody, you can pick and choose who will get you where you want to be based on what’s in it for you.
That’s why I wouldn’t ever be successful in the music industry, because I am unwilling to network. Everybody who makes music has an ego larger than the average person. Artistic egos don’t match with a realist. I’d rather be a fly on the wall instead of having a bunch of flies in my ointment. But, anyways.
I know no one wants to hear my music that references obscure pro wrestlers, 90’s sitcoms, bashes modern internet culture, and speaks on depression, suicide, growing up poor, having parents who were drug addicted, and a multitude of other things that most people don’t even talk about.
It took me a while to realize that it’s for me. Almost the entire time I’ve been making music honestly. I used to get depressed about it, have animosity towards it, want to quit. But why quit if it’s what I love to do? Why quit just because of lack of recognition? Who cares if I get 50 plays on my latest project and it’s all me playing it to check the quality of my mix on streaming over and over again?
At least I’m doing it for me.
It’s a good watershed of memories and self-reflection.
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